I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
