Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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