I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
