Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
