her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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