i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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