smell my finger.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
