What a fucking waste of an outfit
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
