Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
