Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
