Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.

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(858): View more from California

you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"

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(909): View more from California

my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks

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(443): View more from Maryland

you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen

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(406): View more from Montana

I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party

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(807): View more from Ontario

I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.

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(206): View more from Washington

somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".

(206): View more from Washington

If you find out what that means, show me.

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(513): View more from Ohio

She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.

(270): View more from Kentucky

We need to get on her level.

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