So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
