If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
