did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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