The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i now understand why vodka
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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