How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
