she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
