I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
