Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize