ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
