I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize