giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
