I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
