Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
