i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is my gift to your gina
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
