apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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