i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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