and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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