On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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