I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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