ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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