whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
