I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize