um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
