life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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