Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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