Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize