Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize