dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
