You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
