there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
