someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
