She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You left your phone here
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