We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
