Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
