Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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