she was so not down for the gang bang
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
