We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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