the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
