my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
