I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
