So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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