I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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