you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize