My liver just broke up with me...
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
