remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
