My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
