Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
