I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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