she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
